"Be our Judas": Sam Landman's 'Audition Notices' hit home

Writer and actor Sam Landman's sardonic humor and everyman aesthetic have made him a fixture on the Twin Cities theater scene. His Twitter feed at @droningennui captures much of that appeal, especially in his recent series of #AuditionNotice tweets. The concept of Landman's hashtag game should be familiar to anyone who’s ever spent a dispiriting hour poring over listings in the local arts rags. His calls for writers and actors recall plenty of real-world postings by delusional, exploitative or straight-up shady casting directors, but with a surrealist tweak that allows theater vets to laugh though the pain. We've compiled 20 of our favorites below. Have a look and try to tell us you've never been hard-up enough to consider responding to at least one of them.

Our play is about eating glass. We're hoping for versatile actors who have nothing to lose & hope to die. No pay. #AuditionNotice

Just wrote a vitriolic one-person show to spew on theatre goers. If you hate alpacas as much as me, please audition. #AuditionNotice

MN musical about snow shoveling casting RIGHT NOW! Show up at my house w/shovel & strong back to audition. #AuditionNotice

I started this theater company w/one goal: To cast myself in everything. Friends welcome to audition, but don't upstage me. #AuditionNotice

We didn't get our grant, so we'll only be casting the reasonably well-off. Bring a 2-minute monologue & your bank statement. #AuditionNotice

Help! We put in for 15 @mnfringe slots under fake company names & won every slot! Casting anyone who shows up. #AuditionNotice

"Impure Thoughts" is a show I wrote w/a story that needs to be told. I masturbate onstage for 2 acts. Stage Manager needed. #AuditionNotice

"2112: The Musical" seeks screeching, somewhat irritating tenor or alto who looks like a witch. Peart/Lifeson already cast. #AuditionNotice

Our controversial adaptation of "Equus" is up to full gallop. Bring assless chaps & stamina to "Horse Fucker" audition. #AuditionNotice

Our company's been labeled a cult, but we simply do riveting theatre, dedicated to brave performances & the planet god Xovi. #AuditionNotice

"Tapir Love" is a new musical that will rival "Cats," we swear. Prepare to be on all fours for the entire 5-hour audition. #AuditionNotice

We're doing a Cronenberg mashup for our @mnfringe show! Come prepared to do improvised scenes involving skin mutilation. #AuditionNotice

We plan to stage every episode of Seinfeld. Looking to cast every character, great or small. Preferably all-Hmong. #AuditionNotice

Casting "True West." Ideal candidates must be able to impersonate William Shatner or Adam West for extended periods. #AuditionNotice

Now casting actresses who look like my wife for my new show, "A Show About My Wife." No, fuck it. I'll just cast her. #AuditionNotice

Passion play in dire need of actor who dropped out. All rehearsals & performances in Spearfish, SD. Will you be our Judas? #AuditionNotice

Intense character actor needed. Age unimportant. Must have strong back, be 5" max & be able to fit into the Ziggy costume. #AuditionNotice

Can you play a stereotype? How about offensively? Seeking white actors who enjoy hate mail. Full protection. No pay. #AuditionNotice

Your years of training in that MFA program are about to pay off! Needing someone to hand out flyers, dressed as a cupcake. #AuditionNotice